Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
