i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
BRING THE BAGELS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
