she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
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honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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