How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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