Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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