my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
