Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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