I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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