I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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