If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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