Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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