Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
