OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
