I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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