yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
