a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I believe in your delicious
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
