It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
