I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
