hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
