the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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