I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
