Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Send help, water and tortillas.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
3 2 1 whiskey
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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