I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
