and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
