Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
