We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
