we have pet lesbian snakes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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