all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hippo gnu deer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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