If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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