THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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