The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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