I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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