rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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