Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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