I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
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Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.