I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.