Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?