I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
worst night to have a conscience
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C