wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
