lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
