Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
