it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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