She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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