Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
