Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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