just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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