I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize