i was born a porn star she said
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
