White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
