the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
