Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
