Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
