I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
