I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
