You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
