Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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