our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
