i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
