you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.