haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
