I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its not stalking. its research.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
