I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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